I took a CPR class with a group of people who were less than serious about learning it. As I was watching the others practice on the doll one by one, I came to the realization that I could very well have to do CPR on my child.
And then I started crying.
I did manage to keep it together so that no one noticed--hopefully--but CPR is one of those things you learn but never think you'll actually use. Or, if you do, it's on a stranger in the street or as a lifeguard at the pool.
Not on your own child.
So I went last for my demonstration so that I could be the only one there (you could leave after you demonstrated on the doll) and asked lots of questions. I really wanted to make sure that I understood this. Sure, I was certified back in the day at Wabanna, but that was a long time ago.
And this is my child.
There are also some things you need to do differently with a baby that has a trach, so it was good to have some one-on-one time with that.
Comfortable? No. Could I do it in an emergency? Yes.
Emotion of the day: Nervous. I'm definitely nervous that I won't remember how to do something or what to do in a certain situation. I'm nervous that I will be considered the "expert" in Abby's care and expected to educate and train her nurses. I'm still nervous about trach changes and the vent, but I have two more weeks to become more comfortable with those. Mostly, if I am being totally honest, I'm nervous that an emergency will occur and I won't know what to do. And I can't handle that. But...I love my girl. So I will do this!