CPR

I took a CPR class with a group of people who were less than serious about learning it.  As I was watching the others practice on the doll one by one, I came to the realization that I could very well have to do CPR on my child. 

And then I started crying.

I did manage to keep it together so that no one noticed--hopefully--but CPR is one of those things you learn but never think you'll actually use.  Or, if you do, it's on a stranger in the street or as a lifeguard at the pool.

Not on your own child.

So I went last for my demonstration so that I could be the only one there (you could leave after you demonstrated on the doll) and asked lots of questions.  I really wanted to make sure that I understood this.  Sure, I was certified back in the day at Wabanna, but that was a long time ago.

And this is my child.

There are also some things you need to do differently with a baby that has a trach, so it was good to have some one-on-one time with that. 

Comfortable?  No.  Could I do it in an emergency?  Yes.

Emotion of the day:  Nervous.  I'm definitely nervous that I won't remember how to do something or what to do in a certain situation.  I'm nervous that I will be considered the "expert" in Abby's care and expected to educate and train her nurses.  I'm still nervous about trach changes and the vent, but I have two more weeks to become more comfortable with those.  Mostly, if I am being totally honest, I'm nervous that an emergency will occur and I won't know what to do.  And I can't handle that.  But...I love my girl.  So I will do this!