Tuesday, January 4, 2011


I took a CPR class with a group of people who were less than serious about learning it.  As I was watching the others practice on the doll one by one, I came to the realization that I could very well have to do CPR on my child. 

And then I started crying.

I did manage to keep it together so that no one noticed--hopefully--but CPR is one of those things you learn but never think you'll actually use.  Or, if you do, it's on a stranger in the street or as a lifeguard at the pool.

Not on your own child.

So I went last for my demonstration so that I could be the only one there (you could leave after you demonstrated on the doll) and asked lots of questions.  I really wanted to make sure that I understood this.  Sure, I was certified back in the day at Wabanna, but that was a long time ago.

And this is my child.

There are also some things you need to do differently with a baby that has a trach, so it was good to have some one-on-one time with that. 

Comfortable?  No.  Could I do it in an emergency?  Yes.

Emotion of the day:  Nervous.  I'm definitely nervous that I won't remember how to do something or what to do in a certain situation.  I'm nervous that I will be considered the "expert" in Abby's care and expected to educate and train her nurses.  I'm still nervous about trach changes and the vent, but I have two more weeks to become more comfortable with those.  Mostly, if I am being totally honest, I'm nervous that an emergency will occur and I won't know what to do.  And I can't handle that.  But...I love my girl.  So I will do this!


Jennifer E. Gageby said...

Julie, you can do this. Remember God is in control and will not give us something we can't handle. He knew you can handle Abby and will be a great mother to her.

Anonymous said...

You absolutely are the expert in Abby's care! You can handle whatever comes with the same strength and confidence you've shown all these months. So happy she's nearly home!
Jamie, former Sunderland'er