Life as a Leach

For whatever reason, it seems we talk about Heaven and dying a lot in the car.  I guess Caleb runs out of topics and his mind just wanders to it. So, we were again talking about Heaven in the car and Caleb said that he wanted to do two things in his life. 1.  Stop smoking in the world (not a bad wish, I have to say!) 2.  Die when he gets old, like older than Momma.  (glad he doesn't consider me "old" yet.) I told him that I hoped he would live a long, full life and die when he is very old.  I also reminded him that God wouldn't take him a second before He wanted him. My sweet boy then commented on how he is more happy for Christians when they die, because they get to go to Heaven and be with Jesus.  He's just sad that they're gone. Before you are too amazed by that... ...his next thought was, "And I can't wait to go to Heaven, because it's perfect.  So you know what's in Heaven?!  More Legos!!!"  Oh, Caleb. ...

Caleb was singing away in the car, as usual.  He just loves to sing! Abby:  Caleb, can you please stop? Abby:  Caleb, can you please stop? Abby:  Caleb, STOP it! Caleb:  C'mon Abby, I was just praising God! Abby:  Not our  God!

*  (While going to the bathroom at a restaurant) "I have the ability to go to the bathroom whenever I want to.  I wonder if that's a super power or something."  Totally serious.  Totally. *  While driving in the Middle of Nowhere Virginia, Caleb spotted 3 large crosses out in a huge field.  "Hey, I didn't know we were so close to where Jesus died!!" *  After we chuckled when he used a word that is bigger than most kindergarten vocabulary, "You know, I kind of have a mind of my own.  I like to use bigger words than the other kids because they're more interesting." *  Caleb was flying around his little cannon he got as a souvenir  complete with sound effects.  When I asked what he was doing, he replied, "I'm dropping atomic bombs over Japan to end World War II."  Of course you are. *  "I'm pretty much just like a secret spy.  I can turn anything into a weapon!"

"I'm pretty much just like a secret spy, because I can turn anything into a weapon."  (The boy speaks the truth--it's quite a talent!) "Aunt Amy doesn't have a deck.  She has a door that leads to nowhere!  I just don't get it.  I keep asking her and she keeps saying that she's going to get one, but she keeps forgetting.  I think it's because she has 4 kids.  That's a lot of kids."

Caleb came downstairs Sunday  morning to see that I had removed the changing table from the playroom. C:  I see that something is missing! Me:  Yes, it is!  What? C:  The changing table.  Why did you take that out? Me:  Well, I figured I could just change Abby on the floor and we could use the extra space. C:  (smiling this weird smile) Oh, that is very nice. Me:  Ok...thanks... C:  I smiled and said that very politely, didn't I?  But on the inside I was thinking, there is going to be poop ALLLLLL over the floor! ------ C:  When I grow up, I want to be a dancer. Me:  Oh, I thought you wanted to be an astronaut. C:  Well, I am.  I'm going to be an astronaut who is also a speech therapist for the other astronauts who need some help talking.  I can also use sign language for the ones who can't hear.  Then I'll just be a dancer on the weekends. Me:  I see...what kind of dancer? ...

*  Caleb's buddy had a birthday party last Saturday, but they had to postpone it due to not having power at their house.  Caleb couldn't understand why they couldn't still have it.  I told him they wouldn't be able to make food and no one could go to the bathroom.  His reply, "Well, we can just bring our own food and they can get porta-potties!" *  He started a conversation about the Bible with, "Well, as God said in the book of Genesis..." *  "What language did Adam and Eve speak?" *  He came in after his nap while I was folding laundry, and A Baby Story was on.  The woman was having a c-section, and Caleb asked if I had to have surgery when he was born.  I said no, there are two ways to have a baby.  (Stupid!!!)  "Oh, well what's the other way?" he asked.  "Uh...from your bottom."  "Ohhhhhh!  So THAT'S why babies are so dirty when they come out! They're covered in poop!!!"  Exactly.

*  (as we are driving up to our rental home):  "Home, sweet new home!" *  (our last day of vacation): "But I'm not done having all of the funisms I'm going to have yet!" *  (as we drove away):  "I sure am going to miss that ole house!" ---- *  (Throwing the ball for Abby to chase--much like you would a dog):  "I'm training her to be somebody cool like me." ---- *  (From his time-out spot):  "You understand what I do, but you don't understand my powers!" ---- *  (completely randomly as he is playing):  "I think Paw Paw is a spy." Note:  Paw Paw is my dad, so I was interested in hearing why Caleb thought he was a spy.  His response was, "You just never know."  I'm still trying to get more information out of him as to who he was spying on and who his boss is, but this is apparently super top-secret information.  Wow, you think you know a guy...

I bent down to pick up a toy, and Caleb (quite regally) stepped in and said, "Oh, allow me!" I smiled and said, "Oh, why thank you, kind sir!" He then proceeded to give an exaggerated bow, complete with circling hand, and announce, "It is my pleasure. After all, I am  a prince!" During a tantrum about wanting to watch TV:  "Momma, just let me have my way and this can all be over." Where does he get  this stuff???

Caleb is going to help me make chocolate pudding (for his writing practice!).  He comes into the kitchen with his goggles on.  When I ask why he's wearing them, he replies quite seriously, "Well, you never know when something might fly up and hit you in the eye.  Safety first, Momma.  Safety first." ------- Caleb:  (When Abby throws a toy at him because he won't let her play with the one she wants):  Don't throw things in anger, Abby!  (voice of experience) ------- Caleb: (in a sing-song voice to Abby):  Well, good morning, cutest little baby in the world! ------- Me:  Okay, Caleb, what do you want your next reward to be for getting all of your magnets for 3 days on your daily chart? Caleb:  Hmm...I know!!!!  A trip to Disney World!!!!!!  (his last reward was a movie night at home...)

Caleb:  Momma, why does a sea serpent not have legs? Me:  Well, because that's the way God made it. Caleb:  No, Momma.  This is a joke.  Me:  Oh!  Okay, well then, why? Caleb:  It's not a knock-knock joke, Momma. Me:  I didn't say "Who's there." Caleb:  Oh.  Okay. Me:  So, why doesn't it have legs? Caleb:  (cracking up) So it can swim!!!! Me:  Oh... Caleb:  Yeah, I guess it was only a little bit funny.

We have some pretty great car conversations!  Here are a few recent ones: C:  Hey, Momma, do you remember that time that I jumped off the diving board? Me: (thinking I missed a rite of passage)  NO!  I don't!  C:  Yeah, me neither. ------------------------------------- C:  Momma, actually , when God doesn't like the babies anymore, He sends them down to families.  That's how we got Batgirl (his imaginary older sister). Me:  OH!  Really?  Are you sure?  Well, then, is that how we got you? C:  Oh, no.  God loves me very much and that's why He gave me to you. ------------------------------------- C:  (after getting new Batman jibbits for his crocs) I'm so glad I got these so that I can protect my family. Me:  How will you do that? C:  Well, if a bad guy comes into my house, he'll come up to my room, see my Batman jibbits, and be so scared that Batman is going to get him...

(In the midst of throwing a tantrum over what he was going to wear to church):  "But I haaaave to wear my Batman shirt, because that's how I get all of my powers!" (When I wasn't understanding the word he was trying to say):  "I wouldn't expect you to understand, Momma.  I'll talk to Daddy instead." (In a sing-songy high-pitched voice):  "Where's my precious little sister?!" (Regarding his new car seat):  "Riding in the car used to be soooooo boring.  Now it's so exciting!!" (Asking me to read a book in German to him):  "Well, you're German.  You're a really good Germaner!" And I just have to throw in an Owenism (Owen is my eight year old nephew), but I need to stage it a bit: We were watching The Sound of Music in the car on the way to RMH, and I was giving a simplistic explanation of WWII.  He really loves history and was asking lots of questions about Hitler and the Nazis.  When I explained...

This one is super quick. Last night, Caleb thanked God in his prayer for the suction machine. It is a pretty wonderful invention that sucks the secretions out of Abby's trach, nose, and mouth...but it's not normally on a typical four year old's prayer list.  :)

He was on a roll today! (While looking at a train at the B & O Railroad Museum):  "This baby has a big, big smokestack!" (In the middle of a tantrum):  "Now that I'm four, I can do whatever I want!" (After picking out The Incredibles to watch):  "I live right next door to the Incredibles.  I can go over there whenever I want." (Introducing himself to a RMH board member):  "My name's Caleb, but my real name is Batman." (Eating salad at dinner):  "Now can I have the cartoons?"  [translation--croutons]