When we first found out about Abby's micrognathia (read: small jaw) back in July, one of my biggest concerns at the time was about how others would look at her.
Yes, I know this is superficial.
Yes, I know that it doesn't matter what others think.
Yes, I know that the world bases its impressions on looks.
So of course I'm going to be a little concerned that Abby would be judged by the way she looked.
If we're being completely honest here (and I am), I'll even say that I was a tad bit worried about how "different" she would look.
I was especially concerned about the stares. I didn't want anyone looking at us with pity, curiosity, disgust, interest, or any other emotion! I'd be quite content to just blend in with the crowd, thank you very much!
Isn't it funny how all of those thoughts about appearance go out the window when you first lay eyes on your child?!?!
I'm not biased or anything, but she really is beautiful!!!!
I mean, look at her...you can't tell me she isn't gorgeous!!
(These are oldies, but goodies that I think prove my point very well!)
When we walk out in public (to doctor's appointments!), I do notice people staring at us. But it doesn't bother me quite as much as I thought it would. I understand people's curiosity--afterall, we are quite a spectacle with our humongous stroller and bags hanging off of every arm! Let's not even talk about all of the beeps... :) So I know that we kind of draw people's attention, and I'm more okay with it than I thought I would be. Honestly, I think it's good for people to see that we can smile and joke with each other, play and talk with our girl, and make all of this work....like there is hope.
Because there is. As hard as all of this is and as frustrated as we get with these hurdles, we are doing it one step at a time. We are learning and getting a little more comfortable each day. God is meeting us where we're at and bringing us through all of this. That is sometimes hard to see in the immediate sense when we're tired and a nurse is late and Caleb is grumpy and we're all missing our dog and Abby is inconsolable and there are a million beeps with false alarms and the feeding pump won't work and the phone is ringing (yep, that was today!).
However, I can usually recognize it when I reflect on the last five months...but I have to want to. It's really easy to ignore how far God has brought us and focus on how much all of this stinks. Like, really easy. But when I want to think positively, I can see just how much of a miracle this little girl is and how much of an influence she has had on so many lives. And that is pretty cool.
Tonight I was reading the blog of a camp friend who, sadly, lost her husband at a very young age a few years ago. She recently wrote this post about hope and it really resonated with me. Thanks, Kristi-Anna!
I've kind of gotten off on a tangent, but let's call it a purposeful tangent (I use that term in my class when it's related to something that is off-topic, but educational!). It's a little more of a stream-of-consciousness post than I had intended, but whatever. I'll go with it. I am sharing my heart a little tonight, and that is always a good thing. :)