Sunday, January 1, 2012

The Only Life I Know

I have realized in the last week that my life is anything but boring.  While most people are lounging around in their pjs this week between Christmas and New Year's, snacking on cookies and eating leftovers, I have been making trips to the hospital, calling case managers, nursing agencies, and specialists, packing and repacking my emergency bag, washing tons and tons of clothes with bodily fluids on them, and trying to make it up to a boy who was without his parents for several days over Christmas break. 

On Thursday, I went out to the freezer in the garage to get something for dinner.  I opened it and noticed that the frost collected on the side was gone.  Hmmmmmm...I felt the chicken on the top...soft!!!  OH NO.  Yes, my friends.  Sometime between Christmas Day and the 29th, the circuit that our freezer is on had tripped.  We're not really sure how it happened because we have a whole-house generator and this has never occurred before.  It doesn't really matter.  All that I knew at that point was that hundreds of dollars of food had to be thrown away, and the freezer had to be cleaned out (and food salvaged!) right then. 

Then, when I had a sick child inside who couldn't possibly come out to the cold garage with me.
Then, when I was all by myself in the house with no one to look after her.
Then, when I was already dreadfully behind on everything due to our hospital visits.
Then, when my sanity was already on thin ice.

Right then.

So, I did what any normal, sane person would do.  I bawled my eyes out and started screaming at the top of my lungs at God.  I questioned why we were going through all of this.  I lamented about the unfairness of it all.  I argued that we have had our share of issues and I didn't need this!!

Then, I put my big girl panties on **and began cleaning up.

**Read that blog! :)

Of course, I cleaned up in very small amounts, going in to check on Abby every couple of minutes.  When Matt got home (with the pizza that he quickly offered to pick up when I called him hysterical), he took over the cleaning.  The next day, I cooked three packages of chicken in various marinades to refreeze.  Yes, our house smelled amazing, and I don't even eat chicken!!  I made an apple pie using thawed pie crusts, I boiled an entire package of hot dogs and refroze them individually, and I shared some thawed-but-still-okay-to-eat-as-long-as-you-eat-it-soon food with my sister.

I then decided to make baby food out of thawed mango chunks...you know, make lemonade out of lemons, if you will!  But somehow, I managed to knock the blender over while it was on and succeeded in spraying half of my kitchen with pureed mangoes.  Just at the second that I turned the blender off, I heard the way-too-familiar sound of Abby's reaction to her antibiotics.  One fresh diaper and one pantless-baby later, I was able to start cleaning up the kitchen.  Then Caleb came in to ask if he could have some of the mangoes I made for Abby.

At this point, all I could do was laugh!  Matt and I both sat in the kitchen and just laughed. 

I'm thankful that God has allowed me to have somewhat of a sense of humor through all of this.  I also want to share that the sole reason that I am able to get back up when I'm knocked down is that God is the one placing me on my feet.  As angry as I was at Him at that moment (not really about the freezer, obviously!), He still showed me grace and love and gave me the strength to push through.  What an awesome God we have that He is so patient with me through my frustrations at not being able to see all of His plan.  I guess he knows I'm a control freak.  :)

This is the only life I know.  I have no idea how the book will turn out, and I am most definitely someone who likes to read the last page ahead of time.  But in this novel, I can't.  What I have right here is all I know, and I am constantly praying that I will be satisfied with that.  I'm a work in progress, but an honest one. :)

1 comment:

Debbie said...

Those few times when you wear the little girl underoos are so important to refurbishing your emotional engine. My advice is to wear them proudly just as you shed them proudly.

Go Julie Go!!