Saturday, February 26, 2011

Sometimes

Sometimes I'm positive, upbeat, and optimistic.
And sometimes there's nothing to say but this stinks.

Sometimes I remind myself that we were chosen by God to be Abby's parents.
And sometimes I ask why?

Sometimes I just take it one day at a time.
And sometimes I crumble at the thought of everything ahead of us.

Sometimes I am so thankful for nurses that allow us to sleep and get a few things done.
And sometimes I just want to push them all out the door and regain my privacy.

Sometimes I realize that I really do know how to meet Abby's medical needs.
And sometimes I feel so inadequate and incompetent.

Sometimes I share how Abby is beating the odds.
And sometimes I wonder what beating the odds really means.

Sometimes this blog is meant to encourage others.
And sometimes I just need to be real and let you know how I'm really feeling.

This weekend has been pretty rough.  Maggie's story has hit me hard and I've been reminded of the reality of our situation.  Hopefully no one will be offended by this Debbie Downer post.  I have always tried to be transparent in my writing and think that one of the best ways to reach and encourage people is by being real.  I'm usually optomistic, but today isn't one of those days.  And that's okay, because God meets me where I am and holds me on the rough days.  I need to allow myself to share all of my emotions, not just the positive ones.  Thanks for praying.

6 comments:

Becca said...

nothing but huge hugs

Tiffany C. said...

"....The times where you have only seen one set of footprint is when I carried you..."

http://www.footprints-inthe-sand.com/index.php?page=Poem/Poem.php

Darryl said...

I, too, have struggled with the news about Maggie. But I am working hard to keep focused on God's mercy and grace. He has brought Abby this far, even allowing you to bring her back when she stopped breathing. I am convinced that He has a big mission for her here on earth and will only call her home to Him when that work is done.

You know your Mother and I are here for you all, whatever the need. Prayers are with you always.

Anonymous said...

All very normal emotions and feelings sweetie - you are doing great. I can't imagine any couple doing better with this situation than you and Matt have. You are my hero!
Praying for you -

Mrs. B

Robert said...

Sometimes you need to put your feeling in writing just to reflect on where you are at the moment. Just remember moments change. The next moment just might be an awesome moment. Keep the faith and we will keep the prayers coming.

Love,
Bob and Theresa

Jessica Hawk said...

I've been through the anger, the jealousy over women who had babies with no special medical needs, I've wondered if I'm doing all I can, if I'm failing A.J. There will come a day where you just are. Your family will fit, and you'll be in a rhythm where you can kick out the nurses for some private cuddle time. You're only human, but God chose you for a reason. There will be many times when God will use Abby, or your family to touch others. Someone will look at the joy you feel, and how much you love God. That you don't question where you are, and they will think "wow, I need that kind of relationship with God, where I can feel peace no matter what I face". Believe me, no matter how much you question your abilities, everyone else is looking at you thinking how amazing you are. They're thinking "I could never handle what she does daily". In the meantime, we'll all be praying for you, and you are amazing!