Friday, December 31, 2010

Today

Today, I learned more about this program for special needs families.  It looks like a wonderful organization, but I wish we didn't qualify.

Today, I cuddled my daughter and wished that she didn't have to face all of this pain--both physical and emotional.

Today, I just want to be able to hold Abby without a million wires and tubes getting in the way.

Today, I want so badly to be able to give her a bottle.

Today, I miss hearing Abby cry.  I know that sounds strange, but I do.  Don't take that for granted!

Today, I wish that all kids and parents could just accept Abby for who she is so that we can avoid the hurtful looks and comments.

Today, I am trying to figure out how I'm going to do all of this.

Today, I just want to go home.

I have heard it said that when you have a special-needs child, you go through a sort of grieving process for what you won't have.  Every time I feel like I have finally let go of what I thought things would be like, something else comes to mind that brings fresh tears. 

Today (tonight) has been rough.  I know I write a lot of positive posts and try to keep things pretty optimistic, but sometimes, there's nothing to say but this stinks.  And that's exactly how I'm feeling tonight.  So thanks for continuing to pray for us.  I know that things are better than they were those first few terrifying weeks, but we still need a lot of prayers.  This is by far the hardest thing we've ever done. 

But, we love our girl.  So we're going to do it, because love is strong enough to overcome all of this.

But it still stinks.

1 comment:

Bryan and Elise said...

Julie, thanks for bearing your heart and being honest. I often think and pray for your family. I don't know if I mentioned this but I work for Maxim Healthcare so I am very familiar with homecare and am praying for that transition of having strangers in your home.