Sunday, July 8, 2012

You Might Have Home Nursing If...

You take another adult to every doctors' appointment your child has and are frequently asked if said adult is your husband's mother because you look nothing alike.

You've ever been asked if the other adult with you at a doctor's appointment is your child's "Other Mom" because she's not wearing a nursing uniform.

You no longer have a parking spot in your own driveway and have to play musical cars with someone you have told 100 times where to park so that you can leave for the job you're not allowed to be ten minutes late to everyday!

You spend your so called free time watching nanny cams making sure the well-paid adult is sleeping or doing something that you don't approve of.

You had to get it written in the plan of care for the night nurse NOT to wake your child up to change her diaper.

You make a checklist of things to be done and have the RN sign off on it like a reward chart for a 2 year old.

You hide your favorite sodas because they're apparently your nurse's favorite too.

Your child's doctor doesn't look at you when he is asking questions.

You know to stack your dishes that couldn't fit in the dishwasher so that you don't hear clinging or full-blasted water at 3:30 a.m.

You feel like you have to leave the house so that you can stay qualified for nursing.

The nurses lie about things and you know they are, or tell two different things to each parent.

A nurse comes to work sick and tells you that YOU can just take care of your child and she will just sit there--because she really needs the money!

You have a permanent bed next to the kid's bed because you can never get fully staffed.

You have someone who will always tell you what you're doing wrong with your child and how to do it right.

Your other child asks for 24 hour nursing when he needed surgery.

You have a best friend that can actually take care of your child!

Your non-trached kid wants the nurse to babysit them.

You spend your time talking about nursing to your online trach friends while you're waiting for the night nurse to show up.

You dread a coming storm because you know that means your nurse won't come.

When you go to use an item only to find it broken or missing and "no one knows" how it happened.

You hate the 4th of July because your only night nurse goes on vacation for two weeks.

You have to set an alarm in the morning to go sign out the nurse instead of just letting your child wake you up when she wakes up.

A nurse quits because you say you really don't want her to be running her real estate business from your home.

You get "hate" email for having your doctor write an order for "common sense" because the agency told one nurse they would fire him for cleaning dishes he used overnight.

Your best friend is now a nurse.

One of your nurses gets passively aggressively mad at your fabulous room design because she doesn't like suctioning from the right side.

You fire a nurse for knitting instead of actually looking at your child.

Mandatory drug tests come up and three nurses suddenly quit at once.

All three of your regular nurses take a vacation the same week.

Your night nurse calls out and non-trach friends don't understand the big deal.

You instruct your medical director at Medicaid on the definition of medical necessity.

You wonder if nurses eat toilet paper!

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