Tuesday, May 8, 2012

A Conversation Parents Should Not Have to Have With Their Child

I've hesitated to post this, because it was an intensely personal and sensitive conversation.  But I hope that by sharing this, people will recognize that siblings need love and reassurance too.  Sometimes, the special needs child needs so much attention that the brothers and sisters get pushed to the side.

The other night when I was putting Abby to bed, Caleb brought in his Minnie Mouse to give to Abby.  (No, I have no idea why he has a Minnie Mouse.  I'm pretty sure he got it out of my treasure box at school a few years ago, but for whatever reason, he loves it!)  This was very generous because he has been reluctant to let Abby play with it before...which, of course, meant that she wanted it even more and would often sneak into his room to snatch it!

So I was surprised when he told me that she could have it.  When I asked how long, he told me that Abby could have it until she died.

Not wanting to make a big deal of what he said, I joked that Abby was going to be around for a long, long time, so was he sure that he wanted to give it to her for that long?

But then I noticed the serious, sad look on his face.

I dropped to my knees and asked him if he wanted to talk about something.  Near tears, Caleb shared that he knew that Abby had a lot of medical problems and he was worried that she would die like Becky did.

Heartbreaking.

I brought him downstairs to where Matt was and the three of us had a good cry right on the kitchen floor.  Caleb asked how long we would have her and we told him that so few people have what Abby has that we just don't know.  But we do know that she is doing better than pretty much everybody else who has what she has, so we hope she is going to be around for a very long time.  I told him that the best thing he could do is to love Abby so much it hurts, for as long as we do have her.

Caleb also told me that he he had been worried that Abby would never walk.  I confessed that I was too, but look what she's doing now!  His response was, "Yep!  Good things happen when God makes them happen!"

I love that kid!!!

I'm so thankful that Caleb opened up to us about his feelings, but it was a tough, tough conversation.  Five year olds should not have to be worried about whether their sister is going to die.  I'm tearing up right now just thinking about the conversation.

Please don't stop praying for us, and especially for my sweet boy's heart.


6 comments:

Darryl said...

He is special, just like his sister, Mommy, and Daddy!

Laura said...

You have truly been blessed with Caleb. What a wonderful brother for Abby. God clearly doesn't make mistakes.

Michelle S. said...

Oh Julie, what a sweet sweet boy you have. I pray that you don't have to experience any of that. God is taking care of all of you and Abby is AMAZING just like her big brother (and Mommy and Daddy). This hits so close to home, that I am in tears reading and writing to you. Stay strong!

Anna Carpenter said...

Thank you so much for sharing your tender moments. It helps all of us see God working and holding all of you. Prayers for you all always. Love, Anna

Tara Peddicord said...

This was so tough to read... I can only imagine how tough it is to be in it. But what a beautiful heart he has... thanks for sharing this story. We will continue to pray! :)

j.freeman said...

You guys remain in my thoughts and prayers. I am thankful that I got to know Abby and her family :) You guys are inspirational.