Wednesday, August 13, 2008

bittersweet

Today is my last day of summer and my last day of staying home with Caleb. If you haven't had to leave your child with someone else and go to a very demanding job, you can't understand how difficult it is. You can pretend that you do and say that it will be okay and that at least he is with family, but the reality is that you don't know what it is like having to walk out the door and listen to your son calling for his momma. It is just so hard.

Yes, he is with family that loves him. Yes, my niece and nephew absolutely love him and thoroughly enjoy their time with him. Yes, my grandmother dotes on him and gives him whatever he wants. Yes, my sister takes him for walks and does fun activities for him. Yes, Matt gets to have him on Mondays and has father-son bonding. But none of that is the same as if he were with me all of the time.

If you are reading this, you are probably thinking that I am selfish and ungrateful. I'm not. I love my family and so appreciate that they are willing to watch Caleb so that he doesn't have to be in daycare. Like I said...if you never had to do this, then you wouldn't understand.

Today the thought is unbearable, tomorrow will be tearful and difficult, but Friday will be better. Then it's the weekend. I'll get through it--I've done it all before.

2 comments:

Katie said...

just want to send hugs your way!

Caleb's Mom said...

Thank you my friend! I'm doing a little better now...we'll see tomorrow!