So what's been on my mind recently? It's about time I share it. I haven't yet, and I'm not sure why.
It's not out of embarrassment or because I'm a private person. Lots of IRL* friends and family know.
If I am truly being honest with myself, I think the deep-down reason is that it feels more real when it is written.
AND, I don't really want it to be real.
I prefer it as a dream.
*In Real Life
But, alas, it is not, and I think I'm finally at a place where I can write it. Matt and I have been trying to have a baby for some time now, and it's not going so well. We saw a fertility specialist today and now have a treatment plan in place. I'll be heading to the doctor many, many times over the next few months! The bad thing about that is that it is an hour and 1/2 away, but we will deal with it. Thankfully, they open at 7 a.m., which will allow me to get back down the road to work without having to take too much leave. These visits will include lots of blood work, a few tests, and me learning how to give myself shots. (Those of you who know me know that shots and I do not mix, so this should be interesting!!!)
I can honestly say that this has been quite an education for me, but one that I did not want! I am now able to understand how so many others have felt when they go to baby showers, see pregnant women, get the inevitable, "So when are you going to have a baby?" question from well-meaning people, etc. It's just hard. You're happy for others, but wishing that it was you. Not you instead, just you too! It's a tough road.
So how can you pray, you ask? (and even if you didn't!)
* For Matt and I, that we will continue to communicate and not give into the stressfulness of the situation
* For my nerves and irrational fear of needles (irrational, but real!)
* For our doctor, who is going to be leading us down this new road.
* For Caleb, who desperately wants a baby. (Matt has had several conversations with him instructing him not to ask me, "When is a baby going to come out of your tummy?") *sigh*
With these new steps today, we are hopeful and thankful for modern science!!