Skip to main content

Fear

Last Saturday, we changed Abby's trach just like we do every Saturday.  This time, she just kept coughing after we finished and couldn't stop.  Her face turned a dark shade of purple and we quickly suctioned her to get whatever was in there out.  That didn't seem to help, but then I noticed that her trach ties were really loose.  For whatever reason, now that the tube that goes inside is longer, it really bothers her if the trach ties are loose and the trach can shift a bit.  We tightened the ties and she finally settled down.  Just to be safe, I hooked up a nebulizer treatment to give her some Albuterol (the equivalent of a fast-acting inhaler). 

Once things calmed down a bit and Abby started breathing normally again, Matt and I did our typical post-semi-emergency ritual and collapsed in a heap on the floor.  This kind of thing hadn't happened in a while and it started without warning, so it certainly got our heart pumping.  The memory of the day we nearly lost Abby burned in my mind.

You see, there will always be a certain amount of fear when I think about Abby.  I just don't know how long we will have her.  We face the fact that a common cold could kill her.  In fact, as I wrapped Christmas presents in front of her the other day, I teasingly told Abby that I wouldn't be able to do this next year...and then I stopped and immediately prayed, Lord, please let there be a next year.  The hard truth is that we just don't know what tomorrow will bring.

But isn't that the truth for everyone?  Couldn't something just as easily happen to Caleb to rip him from our lives forever?  There are no guarantees for any of us.  In a way, I am thankful that Abby's future is so uncertain because it is forcing me to appreciate every second and focus on the beauty of the little things.  You don't know how many times I stop and smile when I see my girl clapping, or as I watch Caleb get creative with his Legos.  I'm certainly not perfect in the stop-and-smell-the-roses mentality, but God has definitely been teaching me to value each moment.

Sometimes I get on here to write and have no idea where I'm going with a certain topic.  That's when I just hope that God uses me in some way!  If there's anything I can stress to you, it's to love your children...enjoy every second with them...give them lots of hugs and kisses...and cherish the little things.

I leave you with this article and hope that you find it a beautiful reminder like I did.

http://www.nytimes.com/2011/10/16/opinion/sunday/notes-from-a-dragon-mom.html?_r=1&src=tp&smid=fb-share

Comments

MaryJo Bevard said…
I was so glad to read your post today.We all know what a "Miracle" Abby is...But as you said, Aren't we all? I guess that's why it's called "The Miracle of Birth".
Not one of us is gauranteed tomorrow. So let's give all of our Miracles an extra hug and make sure to tell them how very much we Love them. I am thankful for every moment that God allows me to spend with the Miracles in my life.

Popular posts from this blog

Cerebrocostomandibular Syndrome

If you happen to pick up the latest Reader's Digest, there is an article in there about Piper Breinholt , a four year old with CCMS.  If you've been around here a while, you'll remember wayyyyyy back when we first received Abby's diagnosis that I was able to speak to Piper's mom, Reagan.  The article is more about their story and not as much about the ins and outs of CCMS, but I think it's probably enough to get some people googling it and I'm hoping a few will end up here. Every once in a while, I give a blog post the title of Cerebrocostomandibular Syndrome so that it would show up in Google.  My ever-present hope is that people will stumble across my blog and 1) be encouraged by the hope we have in Christ, 2) feel a connection with someone in a similar situation as them, or 3) get excited over the miracles that have been performed in Abby's life!!  (a combination of all 3 is great too!)  :)   Notice that it's not to get famous and it never wi

The Potty Man

Caleb LOVES to go potty! I have never heard a potty training story like this one....Caleb tells us when he needs to go, we take his diaper off, and he goes! Now, is it perfect? No, not at all! We aren't trying to potty train at at all, but we figure every time he goes is one less diaper we have to change! The only time we consistantly put him on the potty is when we give him a bath (he always pees in the tub, so we know he needs to go!) He almost always goes on the potty now instead of the tub though. When he's not "really" going potty, he's pretending to go potty! He's such a funny kid!

Lego Party: Favors

I'm a little slow in posting the Lego Party pictures, but I think I have a few excuses I could use.  At any rate, I wanted to share what I did for the party!  It will take a few posts, so stay with me.  I'll start with how I did the favors. These are the goody bags I made.  I just bought solid colored gift bags and matched scrapbook paper to each bag.  Then I punched circles and attached them with the 3D foam tape so that the circles were raised. I used the keychain (explained below) as a name tag on the outside. These are Duplo blocks.  I put a round magnet on the back and...voila!  A magnet!  (note:  hot glue doesn't work so well...I ended up reglueing them with my apoxy because the magnets fell off.) I made crayons using Lego man crayons.  Yes, I know this guy has lost half of his leg.  The others were already packaged and I didn't want to open one up just to get a picture.  I used a Lego mold  to make the crayons.  Caleb put small pieces of crayon in each m