Tuesday, November 15, 2011

Fear

Last Saturday, we changed Abby's trach just like we do every Saturday.  This time, she just kept coughing after we finished and couldn't stop.  Her face turned a dark shade of purple and we quickly suctioned her to get whatever was in there out.  That didn't seem to help, but then I noticed that her trach ties were really loose.  For whatever reason, now that the tube that goes inside is longer, it really bothers her if the trach ties are loose and the trach can shift a bit.  We tightened the ties and she finally settled down.  Just to be safe, I hooked up a nebulizer treatment to give her some Albuterol (the equivalent of a fast-acting inhaler). 

Once things calmed down a bit and Abby started breathing normally again, Matt and I did our typical post-semi-emergency ritual and collapsed in a heap on the floor.  This kind of thing hadn't happened in a while and it started without warning, so it certainly got our heart pumping.  The memory of the day we nearly lost Abby burned in my mind.

You see, there will always be a certain amount of fear when I think about Abby.  I just don't know how long we will have her.  We face the fact that a common cold could kill her.  In fact, as I wrapped Christmas presents in front of her the other day, I teasingly told Abby that I wouldn't be able to do this next year...and then I stopped and immediately prayed, Lord, please let there be a next year.  The hard truth is that we just don't know what tomorrow will bring.

But isn't that the truth for everyone?  Couldn't something just as easily happen to Caleb to rip him from our lives forever?  There are no guarantees for any of us.  In a way, I am thankful that Abby's future is so uncertain because it is forcing me to appreciate every second and focus on the beauty of the little things.  You don't know how many times I stop and smile when I see my girl clapping, or as I watch Caleb get creative with his Legos.  I'm certainly not perfect in the stop-and-smell-the-roses mentality, but God has definitely been teaching me to value each moment.

Sometimes I get on here to write and have no idea where I'm going with a certain topic.  That's when I just hope that God uses me in some way!  If there's anything I can stress to you, it's to love your children...enjoy every second with them...give them lots of hugs and kisses...and cherish the little things.

I leave you with this article and hope that you find it a beautiful reminder like I did.

http://www.nytimes.com/2011/10/16/opinion/sunday/notes-from-a-dragon-mom.html?_r=1&src=tp&smid=fb-share

1 comment:

MaryJo Bevard said...

I was so glad to read your post today.We all know what a "Miracle" Abby is...But as you said, Aren't we all? I guess that's why it's called "The Miracle of Birth".
Not one of us is gauranteed tomorrow. So let's give all of our Miracles an extra hug and make sure to tell them how very much we Love them. I am thankful for every moment that God allows me to spend with the Miracles in my life.