My Facebook memories showed me a video of Abby from 5 years ago today. It's a sweet little clip of her nearly 3 year old self yelling, "No more tubie!!!" and showing me the band-aid that covers where her gtube was.
I remember that day so well. We went to a feeding clinic appointment hoping that we would get the okay to pull the tube, since she hadn't used it in over three months, but figuring we would need to come back for a separate appointment to do it. I was ecstatic when the GI told us he could take it out right then! This was momentous because it was the first day in Abby's little life that she was officially free of all medical devices. I cried many happy tears that day.
When that video was taken, we didn't know that she would be getting that tube surgically put back in just a little over a year later, thanks to a major jaw surgery that would make her completely tube dependent for many months. We had no idea how far she would regress in eating by mouth, and how every surgery put us 10 more steps back. We weren't aware that she would have a tube indefinitely, due to having so many surgeries and the need for a high calorie diet. We couldn't have known that her little body would use so many calories just to breathe that she would burn more than she was able to eat.
How could we? We were living in the right now.
We were just thankful that at that moment, Abby was eating 100% by mouth and was g-tube free.
I used to try to plan for every tiny detail of our future. 401k? ✔ House to raise a family in? ✔ Enough money stashed away for unplanned expenses? ✔ Stocked shelves full of water and food for emergencies? ✔ It would drive Matt crazy to be that completely planned out, because...let's face it...we are polar opposites when it comes to that kind of thing! I'd like to think that we have rubbed off on each other a bit in the last 14 years of marriage, so I'm a bit more relaxed and he is (maybe??) a bit more organized. Lol!
Now, I'd be lying if I said that I don't still have a planner's mindset. It is my type A personality. However, God has used having a child who is medically fragile to remind us time and time again that we need to be thankful for the right now.
Right now, Abby is doing wonderfully and is only needing bipap once during the day and overnight.
Right now, her respiratory rates are back to her baseline.
Right now, she does not require any surgeries and can enjoy her fall and winter surgery-free.
Right now, her infection markers are stable and the Keflex is doing its job.
Right now, pulmonary functioning is close to where it was before she became septic and her chest wall collapsed.
I'm not naive enough to think that all of this will continue to be so wonderful in the future! We have certainly had our share of negative medical reports and we deal with them as they come...sometimes with more joy than others, if I'm honest! But God has been teaching me through Abby that worrying so much about what could be is futile. If I knew 8 years ago just how much we would go through, I'm not sure I would have made it. But God gives us just enough grace for the moment, and He has brought us through every difficult time. Every anxious thought has been met with, Julie, just be thankful for the right now!
Therefore do not be anxious, saying, ‘What shall we eat?’ or ‘What shall we drink?’ or ‘What shall we wear?’ For the Gentiles seek after all these things, and your heavenly Father knows that you need them all. But seek first the kingdom of God and his righteousness, and all these things will be added to you. “Therefore do not be anxious about tomorrow, for tomorrow will be anxious for itself. Sufficient for the day is its own trouble.
So what are you thankful for right now? What are you learning about living in the right now? What has God been teaching you about being anxious about tomorrow? I would love to hear it!
I remember that day so well. We went to a feeding clinic appointment hoping that we would get the okay to pull the tube, since she hadn't used it in over three months, but figuring we would need to come back for a separate appointment to do it. I was ecstatic when the GI told us he could take it out right then! This was momentous because it was the first day in Abby's little life that she was officially free of all medical devices. I cried many happy tears that day.
When that video was taken, we didn't know that she would be getting that tube surgically put back in just a little over a year later, thanks to a major jaw surgery that would make her completely tube dependent for many months. We had no idea how far she would regress in eating by mouth, and how every surgery put us 10 more steps back. We weren't aware that she would have a tube indefinitely, due to having so many surgeries and the need for a high calorie diet. We couldn't have known that her little body would use so many calories just to breathe that she would burn more than she was able to eat.
How could we? We were living in the right now.
We were just thankful that at that moment, Abby was eating 100% by mouth and was g-tube free.
I used to try to plan for every tiny detail of our future. 401k? ✔ House to raise a family in? ✔ Enough money stashed away for unplanned expenses? ✔ Stocked shelves full of water and food for emergencies? ✔ It would drive Matt crazy to be that completely planned out, because...let's face it...we are polar opposites when it comes to that kind of thing! I'd like to think that we have rubbed off on each other a bit in the last 14 years of marriage, so I'm a bit more relaxed and he is (maybe??) a bit more organized. Lol!
Now, I'd be lying if I said that I don't still have a planner's mindset. It is my type A personality. However, God has used having a child who is medically fragile to remind us time and time again that we need to be thankful for the right now.
Right now, Abby is doing wonderfully and is only needing bipap once during the day and overnight.
Right now, her respiratory rates are back to her baseline.
Right now, she does not require any surgeries and can enjoy her fall and winter surgery-free.
Right now, her infection markers are stable and the Keflex is doing its job.
Right now, pulmonary functioning is close to where it was before she became septic and her chest wall collapsed.
I'm not naive enough to think that all of this will continue to be so wonderful in the future! We have certainly had our share of negative medical reports and we deal with them as they come...sometimes with more joy than others, if I'm honest! But God has been teaching me through Abby that worrying so much about what could be is futile. If I knew 8 years ago just how much we would go through, I'm not sure I would have made it. But God gives us just enough grace for the moment, and He has brought us through every difficult time. Every anxious thought has been met with, Julie, just be thankful for the right now!
Therefore do not be anxious, saying, ‘What shall we eat?’ or ‘What shall we drink?’ or ‘What shall we wear?’ For the Gentiles seek after all these things, and your heavenly Father knows that you need them all. But seek first the kingdom of God and his righteousness, and all these things will be added to you. “Therefore do not be anxious about tomorrow, for tomorrow will be anxious for itself. Sufficient for the day is its own trouble.
So what are you thankful for right now? What are you learning about living in the right now? What has God been teaching you about being anxious about tomorrow? I would love to hear it!
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